nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
