he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
