you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
