24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Semen is not good for contacts.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize