while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
