i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
