On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
