Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(912): View more from Georgia

It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

Fav 17 6823 2151
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(908): View more from New Jersey

My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.

Fav 7 4613 969
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

Fav 2 4025 1476
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(705): View more from Ontario

I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?

Fav 5 1443 2132
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(636): View more from Missouri

Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.

Fav 3 2105 1221
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(425): View more from Washington

One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.

Fav 14 1576 2206
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.

Fav 6 809 1716
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(913): View more from Kansas

I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus

Fav 2 916 434
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(+61): View more from Australia

Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo

Fav 0 151 115
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