Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
