Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
