also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
