Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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