i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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