Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
