That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
We got so high we made milksteak
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
