After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
