just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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