margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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