In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
