I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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