I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
