Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
