For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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