At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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