He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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