You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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