it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
