I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
