dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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