I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
