I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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