I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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