everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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