Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
