just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
