he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize