i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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