Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
