If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
