I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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