I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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