when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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