Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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