He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
