I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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