Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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