I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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