Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
