I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
