i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
