drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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