Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
