Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
