So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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