Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Congratulations! We have a period
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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