It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
