Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my being single is dangerous.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
