...so i touched it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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