The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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