Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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