I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize