The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
