I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
