One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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