There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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