Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize