why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
