I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
