is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize