It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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