I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just found a bag of teeth...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
