My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
