well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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