i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
