i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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