So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
