i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Holy shit dude........stairs
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