She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
