I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize