Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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