So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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