i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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