i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
