Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
