an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We left the knife in your bed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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