As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ok first of all what the fuck
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
