TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
