My hair reeks of homosexuality.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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