youre lurking in front of me
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
