I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
