she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
