I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Come on in and take your pants off
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