Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
