if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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