drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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