im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
