I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
