Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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