so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
