She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
