'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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